Oof

      Definitely not gonna lie, today has been really rough. Do you ever have those days when you are eating healthy that you just wanna eat the walls off of your house? Well today is that day for me and luckily I didn't have any crap food sitting around to fulfill my badness. Now that the babies are in bed, hubby is at his soccer game, and the house is quiet, the Lord is taking me to a place of questioning why I want to run to food when I have an off day and can't quite pinpoint what is really driving me to eat. Why is it that food turns into a drug for me and for many, many, many people? My mom and her friend have recently been on this journey of learning what dopamine really is and why people stray from where we should really be getting our fix from. It starts when we are babies with our mothers when we nurse. Have you ever stopped for two seconds to focus on your babies face while she/he is nursing to see pure delight? My Mercy has been a pure testimony of what a dopamine fix should really be. There are some days that I cannot get her to nurse because she is so giddy and delighted to see me that all she can do is laugh. I think Jesus longs for us to look at Him, even in the midst of our bad days and just laugh with Him and smile with the joy of knowing  He is so good, and merciful, and just, and beautiful. Why would we turn to food, or music, or movies for comfort when HE is the ultimate comfort? I know this is so far fetched for some, but it is so real for me in my "journey to becoming healthy" because I am having to look to a new source to be content with myself and with my life, not FOOD.
     On a different note, I have decided you can turn just about any meal into a gluten free one. Thad and I had fajitas tonight and while I could have thrown everything into a tortilla, like I so wanted to do, I just got me some beans, guacamole, fajita meat and hot sauce and sprinkled it all with some cheese and ate it that way. YUM! I do understand that the best part of fajitas is the tortilla, especially if you are at Rosas, mmmm. But I did it, gluten free, and my belly was happy and full of food and gas :) The same goes with like burgers or sandwiches of some sort. Axe the bread people, it can be done.
    The last thing that I have learned today is that being a mom of two can possibly make a work-out schedule impossible to stick with. I generally try to do Biggest Loser bootcamp which uses weights and does like a million squats, 3 or 4 times a week, because we all know muscle speeds up metabolism and a speedy metabolism allows you to eat whatever you want. LoL I'm so kidding. But muscle really does help to lose weight and be fit and toned more so than just strictly cardio or running and such. The other days, I try to do some sort of cardio, and I am working on focusing on abs to burn off that baby belly that I and the mirror despise so much...
Back to my point. I learned today that it is not about beating yourself up if you don't get to do the workout you intended to do, as long as you try to stay active during the day with the babies. Today I chose to take a nap with the girls in the afternoon instead of working out like I normally do so tonight I loaded the girls up in the stroller and went and circled the park a few times. Just FYI, if you suck in your stomach and hold your core tight, even walking can make you feel firm and sore :) yippee!! Shoot, try sucking in and holding your core tight while you sit here and read this and look at Facebook and you will start to notice a little burn.
I am not perfect, nor do I know all of the answers, but I can say that getting healthy from the inside out can give you an entirely new outlook on life. Eating junk food, will not make you feel better. Heck, eating healthy food cannot make you happy. But seeking your dopamine fix in the Lord is where you find true peace. Today is the national day of peace. I'm not looking for the hippie kind of love and peace that today is probably intended to represent, I am looking for that perfect peace that passes all understanding, and tonight as I sit in silence listening to Kim Walker singing Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, I truly feel at peace in my heart, body, soul, and mind.

P.S- tomorrow is See You At The Pole. I know I am not in high school anymore but I do know that in the morning when I wake up, I can pray for our schools, that God be brought back in and that there be a radical impact and movement on students that are looking for a Saviour to rescue them. What if kids started praying and doing Bible studies and worship meetings instead of partying?